To My Friends,
This letter is to help explain the overwhelming anxiety I feel everyday. Not just about general things but the anxiety I feel all day everyday. When I make up excuses, bail on plans last minute, struggle to be present because there’s 100 thing in my mind, the panic attacks, trying to meet everyone’s expectations, the sudden crying, the need to be busy all the time but also the overwhelming feeling of wanting to be alone.
I try so hard to hide what’s happening but I know you see it. I know you see the fidgeting, the cracking of my fingers, the inability to hold a conversation for too long, the nervousness in my speaking, shortness of breath. The anxiety I’m talking about is more then the normal worries of life. Its General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) (http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/generalized-anxiety-disorder) where you are always excepting a major disaster and can’t stop worrying about family, friends, money, work etc. the worry is often majorly out of proportion and unrealistic.
Your kind words. Your compassion. Your love. It’s beautiful. You are all so kind. But it defiantly doesn’t take away my reality. I want it to go away I try so hard. I pray everyday. I declare truth over my life. I try to focus on the positive. But most of the time I feel waves of anxiety flooding my mind and pulling me under the waters.
Trust me.. If I could make it go away I would of by now. I’m exhausted. I’m over it. It drains my energy every day. Sometimes I feel like I’ve been thrown into the ocean with bricks on my feet. I’m struggling to keep my head above the waves.
You are probably thinking how much you wish I didn’t have to feel like this. Like you wish you could take it away. That’s probably why you are still reading. So thank you! But let me tell you.. Your friendship, your love, your laughter, your care is more then enough for me. You don’t have to help me rationalize my thinking, you don’t have to fix me, and you don’t have to understand. You are my friend not my therapist. You are important to me. I love that you ask questions, I love that you show interest.
I love that you are my friend.
I hope one day you don’t have to see me in all my struggle and I’m sure that day will come. You probably feel the same way. I will continue to find the best ways to help me cope. I will continue to push through. I will continue to be the best me I can be. All I ask is you continue to be my friend. Because that means the world to me.
Your stress head of a friend.
inspired by: http://themighty.com/2015/08/letter-to-people-affected-by-my-anxiety/